Yarn Along, May 22

~Two of my favorite things are knitting and reading!  I love seeing what other people are knitting and reading as well.  So, what are you knitting or crocheting right now?  What are you reading?  Take a photo and share it either on your blog or on Flickr.  Leave a link over at Ginny's Yarn Along to share your photo with the rest of us!~

I am still working my way through several books, my favorite still being Hinds' Feet in High Places by Hannah Hurnard.  I think I might have to finish it and reread it immediately to specifically think through applications of the different allegories through the Christian's journey.  What is the Valley of Loss, what do Resentment and Self-Pity look like in my heart?  It's the perfect read for encouraging my heart in this confusing time.  

This week I started an Acacia top for Adelaide in that beautiful Knit Picks Cotlin.  She chose the color herself- bright pink Cerise- what else can you expect from a three year old girl?  Little sister Amelia will get one next in that sweet coral-orange colorway called Conch.  Lyddie needs summer tops and a dresser full of the cute ones I would love to buy is not exactly in our budget.  All of a sudden it sort of dawned on me that I can think of knitting as more than a hobby; it can be a practical way to provide adorable and usable garments for my girls.  Up until now it has been a hobby for making novelty items but this little light bulb really inspired me.  Don't ask me why I have knit for this long and never thought through this before; maybe because garment knitting is still pretty new for me.  

And that little sweet face?  Has been waking me up for an hour and a half in the middle of the night, I think because she just doesn't like the darkness of our bedroom since she calms and goes to sleep as soon as I turn the light on.  My desperate-for-sleep solution at 3 am last night?  I found a nightlight app on my phone that turns off with a timer.  She closed those sweet little eyes and slept for 5 hours.  

Thankful for the Hard

My Rosemary was born three weeks ago today!  I started writing out her birth story in my little mama-journal and realized how straightforward and really easy her birth itself was, but how much it was complicated by the following week when I ended up back in the hospital for three days with high blood pressure. Never having had any major health complications in my life, it was a scary time for me, and it has taken almost two weeks of being home on bed rest to actually believe that I am home to stay and won't end up in the hospital in the coming weeks.  Who knew that preeclampsia that was managed well during the pregnancy could spiral out of control following the birth?  I was aware that pre-eclampsia can take up to 6-8 weeks to resolve following delivery but thought I was out of the woods after she was born, just like with the other two sweet girls.  

I have been thinking about what it means to thank God in every situation, in - and for - every circumstance. Since I read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts last year, I have practiced finding the gifts and the blessings even in the midst of hard things.  Practically speaking, this has usually meant focusing on the ways He is showing His love in the midst of the hard or seeing the good things that are coming out of the hard. Still trusting and acting on the belief that He is good to me even when I don't understand.

But what about thanking Him for the hard?  What about actually stopping and saying, "Thank You, Lord, for my high blood pressure"?  

I haven't really wrapped my mind around how to do that or why exactly it is important to wrestle with, but I feel certain that I need to ponder it more and look again at God's Word to see what I might be overlooking, especially as it shapes my journey with Him and with my little ones now.  

"Do you find [Sorrow and Suffering] to be very good guides, Much-Afraid?"
She looked at him earnestly and nodded her head.  "Yes, very good.  I never could have believed it possible, Shepherd, but in a way, I have come to love them. When I first saw them they looked so terrifyingly strong and stern, and I was sure that they would be rough with me and just drag me along without caring how I felt.  How I dreaded it, but they have dealt with me very, very kindly indeed.  I think they must have learned to be so gentle and patient with me by seeing your gentleness.
"I never could have managed without them, she went on gratefully..."  --From Hinds' Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Joining up with Lydia at Smalltown Simplicity for Mindful Mothering Monday

Yarning Along, May 14

Joining Ginny for Yarn Along.  I just finished the Milo vest I have been working on for Rosemary this coming fall but haven't had a chance to block it yet.  I anticipate that it will make the sweet XOXO cable pattern pop  once I get to it!  In the meantime, I picked up a dishcloth I started a couple months ago while I wait for my yarn to arrive to work up a couple of these for Lyddie and Millie: Acacia pattern from Tikki.  I love this Ballband pattern and now that I have knit a few, I have the pattern totally memorized and can plow through it while we watch our new favorite shows - Awake and Fringe - in the evenings.  

Knitting and baby care are keeping me going through each day.  I am still meandering through Hinds' Feet on High Places and a few others on my Kindle, particularly Ordained Irreverence by McMillian Moody, which is a fluffier read than I usually pick up, but I am enjoying the lighthearted fictional stories about this pastoral intern at a megachurch and it does have me laughing out loud on occasion.  It is a little weird,  since, other than being set in a church, it really doesn't have anything "Christian" about it so far.  This is actually why I selected it since I typically dislike Christian fiction- it may as well be set in some other non-profit organization.  On my Kindle I'm also loving Shepherding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp and Kisses From Katie by Katie J. Davis.

 Life feels a little suspended right now in my mothering of our bigger girls but I am doing the best I can from here.  Lovely Amelia needs frequent snacks or else she gets so weepy lately!  She kind of chunked out over the past couple weeks into this sweet little chunky toddler.  I am convinced that she is about to grow upward.  Her foot (maybe both feet) are turning in at the toe when she walks and runs and I am eager to make an appointment for her to be looked at with an orthopedic doctor once I am able; I think a little orthotic insert will hopefully make a difference.  She insists that her baby doll is her "Papa" but does not understand that "papa" is another name for "daddy."    She loves to play with our doctor kit and announces proudly, "I'm Dr. ANNA!  I'm Dr. Anna!!"  I have no idea where this has come from, other than the possibility that our good friend just had a baby named Anna.  She keeps me guessing all the time about... everything.  I love her so much!

Another sweet one of Rosemary Joy at two weeks.  She is having longer alert periods but still sleeps so much!  The medications for my blood pressure may be making her a little sleepy but she's not more sleepy than is normal for a newborn and she wakes regularly to eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat!  This girl loves to eat!  I am so much more relaxed in some ways with this baby; maybe because there is too much else going on so I can't worry and fret about some of the things I thought about with the other babies.  I love being a mommy and feel like it is the most natural thing in the world to add another baby to the mix of our family.  Things are hard right now - bed rest for indefinite weeks on end is no peach! - but good.  Hard but good.  We are blessed, and I am happy.

Just Two Weeks

Two weeks ago this morning, our little Rosie "came out." She is so beautiful and I am so glad she is part of our little family; I already can't imagine a life without her.  Lyddie and Millie love their little sister and dote on her, which makes my momma heart so happy and proud.  Throughout the day, the little cry of "Can I hold baby Wohhhh-sie?" is heard from big sister Millie, and Lyddie loves to hop up on the couch, settle a throw pillow under her right arm and ask, "Can I hold her, mommy??"

Above is an attempt to photo and edit just a little bit.  I guess I keep documenting here when I am breaking the rules of bed rest but I got up and did a very fast little shoot this morning with baby girl.  I got 2-3 pictures that I am happy enough with, so for an 8 minute shoot, that's pretty good (of course, my standards aren't terribly high for what makes a "good photo" compared to real photographers!)  It has been fun to have my brother's amazing Canon these past two weeks even though I am so unqualified to use it and only go with the auto settings since I know next to nothing about cameras and photography.  One day, maybe not too far off, we can get an SLR for me to learn on, and I know I will invest time and energy into learning, especially as our kids get older and (I think!) more fun to capture on film.  It would also be helpful for our ministry, I think; we have some really talented photographers on staff but it can never hurt to have someone else who knows what they are doing.  

For now I am so thankful that we do have a new point and shoot to use after I sadly pass back my brother's SLR!  I thought I might have to rely on a camera phone for Rosemary's first days so I am thankful for the blessing of borrowing an incredible camera and the fact that my parents gave Jesse a new point and shoot for his birthday. There is a lot we can capture with a P&S and that's important to me.

I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon and am unsure what the outcome will be.  My blood pressure has been a little better than in the hospital, but still not "good" all the time even on the medications.  I am praying that the doctor would have insight and wisdom and that I would have peace even if the verdict is another week on fairly complete rest.  In the meantime... I'll just keep knitting... just keep knitting... just keep knitting, knitting, knitting...  

New Life Everywhere

 

I might have broken the rules a little and hopped outside for the first time all week tonight.  I figured a few minutes outside seeing firsthand all the exciting things coming up in the garden wasn't going to hurt anything, and it really was just a few.  But wow, what a change has occurred on our little homestead in the past two weeks!  The hot weather (we've been in the 90's all week!) has made the garden (and weeds) shoot up, made the irises and lilacs mostly fade.  It was still in the 80s this evening and it was glorious to be outside, even for five minutes!

We have these beautiful yellow irises that came up and surprised me today.  Last year the puppies chewed them up and they didn't bloom, and I kept seeing the flower (pictured above) out the window thinking maybe it was a dried up purple iris until I went out to investigate myself.  It's breathtaking!  New life is everywhere, and not just in the form of my sweet baby!  We have three new chicks, our very first home-hatched additions to our flock.  They are a cross between a Barred Rock rooster and a Golden Sex-Linked hen.  Interestingly, they are a golden white and we think one of them is a cockerel, since his comb is coming in fast and bright red!  We just stuck our other (mean) rooster in the freezer, so we'll see if this one will be a better fit for our family.  

We have lots of yummy things coming up that my dear husband has planted while I've been out of commission this spring:  potatoes, squash, tomatoes, lettuces, some tiny new strawberry starts, and you can see our big bushy 2nd year raspberry bushes!  I am really eager for fresh raspberries on granola or pancakes this summer and hopeful we can get to them before the birds.

I am still knitting away on my little Milo vest in a 6 month size for Rosemary and it is keeping my hands busy while I lay here.  I have new yarn on the way to make a couple tops for my "big girls" that I will start next week and it is nice to have something like that to look forward to!

How I Am...

 

I am a mover, a worker, a shaker.  I delight in work, in keeping busy, in activity.

So this whole staying down on the couch and in bed thing right now - it's hard.  It doesn't matter how temporary it is or how often people remind me that this too shall pass; I think right now, it's okay to acknowledge it is hard.  Hard to watch my husband wrestle through the tasks that I can accomplish with relatively little effort, since I am well-practiced in juggling laundry, kids, dishes, clean-up.  Hard to hear my toddler screeching and watch my weary husband do the the consistent discipline yet again while I am unable to help.  Hard to know that the work that he loves and is so good at is on hold while we wait expectantly for God to heal my body, restore my blood pressure to normal, and enable life to return to something more normal.  I wanted to say that I am waiting for life to "resume," but that is wrong; life is continuing, I am growing and learning how to lean on Jesus more completely for my joy and peace.  Life hasn't stopped - it has just changed for a season.

We are so blessed by friends and family who are taking such care of us - we have been blessed with meals, grocery store trips, quick encouraging visits!  My parents and brother, who were here for a (supposedly) short visit when my blood pressure spiked, completely rearranged their schedules for three days in order to stay and take care of our "big girls" while I was in the hospital.

I am reminded of the body of Christ in each of these things and how we all need each other.  Right now I am the needy one, dependent, forcing other lives to flow around me and my needs, and it is humbling to be on the receiving end of His love through others to me and our family. As hard as it is, it is part of community and deepening of relationships.  I am encouraged by the many who are praying for me and loving us and I am daily entrusting my life to the One who wrote every day for me before "even one of them came to be."  I am admiring my husband's love and patience even though I can tell he is stressed and disoriented.  I am delighting in the beauty of my new Rosemary and trying to just enjoy the "extra" time I get to lay back and cuddle her.  I am knitting up a storm and diving into a good book when I can, along with some extra napping time.  I am loving the pictures from the wonderful camera my brother so graciously loaned me.  The medications I am on usually give me a slight headache but I am thanking God today that so far no headaches have appeared and I actually had a normal blood pressure reading this morning- the first since before the hospital stay.

Yarn Along

I have been intending to join in on Ginny's Yarn Along for over a month now but never have gotten my act together with a picture and everything!  The last week has been a rollercoaster - I delivered Rosemary Joy on Monday April 29, and then returned to the hospital the following Saturday with high blood pressure.  Hospitalized for three days, I am now home on relatively strict bed rest until my bp normalizes and then maybe we'll talk about weaning off the meds.  In the meantime, my dear husband is holding down the fort with all the cleaning and care for our other two sweeties, and friends are bringing in meals.  My parents deserve a lot of credit for dropping everything to help when we were in the hospital.  Sweet baby Rosie is doing well and is about the easiest baby I could have ever hoped for, especially considering all I am currently going through!

All that to say, I will have a lot of time to knit in the coming days or weeks while I wait for my body to decide to function correctly again!  I was given this beautiful Liberty Wool yarn by a friend when I found out I was expecting baby girl #3, and after much deliberating, decided to make a Milo vest by Tikki.  I love this pattern and the yarn is knitting up so beautifully!  

I am also reading Hinds' Feet in High Places, which is a lovely allegory to the Christian walk through life.  It is similar to Pilgrim's Progress, but more recent.  I am really enjoying it; it is just the encouraging read I need right now!